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Reflections 2015

I passed written preliminaries & my oral defense…so I am now officially a doctoral candidate (Wayne State University)! I am currently pursuing the Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP) degree although I have been a nurse practitioner (NP) since 2003. I have 2 publications pending journal assignments, both based on papers I wrote for 2 of my courses in the program. Also, I created a survey tool, “e-Prescribing in Acute Care”. I have data which I will be analyzing this semester & hope that I can prove my tool valid & reliable.

My oldest son has moved out this year, he left me with a hug 2 days ago. He will now be halfway across the country (Colorado) creating a life for himself & his girlfriend. The little guy will be starting his sophomore year at University of Michigan, once again living on campus. It’s weird when your kids actually grow up and move out. You think about “when the kids are grown” and what they will be like as young adults, when they are kids. You’re never really prepared for the reality of them leaving to start their lives & make their marks on the world (well, I wasn’t). It really hit me hard when the older son was a high school senior. I had nightmares, chest pains & heartburn, plus I gained a lot of weight. I felt as though I actually mourned the loss of the 2 little guys they once were, missing those little faces…missing the messes & trampling all over the house. It was 2 years later when the younger son was a senior that I decided I needed to do something with my life for me.

My brother died this past December very unexpectedly, too. I always regretted that I did not get to know him better as an adult. He was almost 5 years younger than me, he was my parent’s youngest. Dealing with my grief & seeing the pain that my parents & sister are going through has not been easy. You think that you have time…all kinds of time…to say and do the things you want with your friends & family, but you don’t. A life can end. My grandmother has outlived her grandson. She has dementia and keeps forgetting that he is dead. We keep having to remind her, breaking her heart every time.

I decided that I need to live as fully as possible. I will pursue as many opportunities that I can, the ones that interest and excite me. My life is in transition, I am middle-aged, I am becoming an “empty nester”. I mourned the loss of the young me with my 2 boys, & the soccer games, football, golf, art classes, homework, birthday parties, school events & Christmas pageant, and all the fun we had at the park. My life isn’t over just because theirs is beginning, so I will now focus on me & my marriage (21 years). My time is now.

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